Yes or No?

Sometimes I feel everything that I have done is vain. Why? This is one example of my feeling. Sometimes I hope that my action will bring good influence for me.

Like this. Sometimes I help my friends to do their job. I do it because I sincerely want to help them, and I really want to help them. I often to do it. But it all turned out to be a boomerang for me.

More frequent I help people, so longer I am being stupid and weak. Because, when I used to help people, some of them were always asking for help from me, they don’t even think about my situation. For example, when I was working on my own job, I should spend my time to help my friend. But in the end, I didn’t do my job with the maximum results. It will only bring harm to me.

I have a problem. When I have the task of art, I knew that I had to do it at home.Because, I would not have had time to do at school. I sure, I will use my power to do their job. Once I was doing my half-owned art class. Approximately 15 people.

Actually I'm tired, I feel myself is only used by them. They became good to me because there is something they want from me. They don’t understand how I felt. They should know, not every time I can help. I am not a maid who can be ordered at any time. In fact, I can help them if the time is right.

This is my problem, I am very weak. I can not deny what I don’t like. I can not resist, I can not reject it, I can not say "no." I don’t know if I'll stay like this forever.

The Shadow and The Beetle

My point of view has changed. I don't know why, but maybe this is a very sad moment for me, and it pushed me into the deep disappointment. I really want to change that view.

They're not looking straight at me, but with the meandering view. Even though I acted as usual, it doesn’t change everything. 

I'm no longer as a people who like a firefly, but I look like a beetle.

Why?

At first I thought everyone was coming from me who can’t manage the pace and the way I look at the other people. Yes, perhaps this could be one reason why I look like a beetle. But apparently not entirely come from me.

All of that came from its, my virtual image. It is an opaque shadow and sometimes it lost when the sun doesn’t exist. It is very friendly with the sun. It was not sun’s fault, though sun is the one who led the presence of shadows. But the shadow still haunts me, and not become a good shadow. He became a shadow that can move and don’t follow my movements.
The shadow is exactly that made me look like a beetle.

I have been told the second person, that my life is not completely surrounded by a bunch of seagulls. I know, they are not a bunch of seagulls. They are merely living organisms that have been unconsciously become my bliss former. They used to do that.

But the shadow did not think so. It considers us as a bunch of seagulls. In fact he participated include myself in that group.

I don’t want to be like that. Because all of that just make me lose it all. Therefore, please don’t be my virtual image. You can be like a butterfly that is free to fly, and it makes you show the real you. You have to show yourself, because that is your life.